TOP 24 THINGS, NOT to Buy Your Girlfriend for Christmas BY DELE OGUNLEYE CHARLES..
Let’s face it – shopping for girls ain’t easy. There are tons of resources out there telling you what to buy and where to buy it. We thought we’d take a different approach and point out some gifts we’d suggest you steer clear of this Christmas. Here’s what NOT to buy your Girlfriend for Christmas this year…
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So she already has an iPod that she loves and you thought to yourself, “Hey, I bet she’d love some fun accessories for it.” And then you googled “fun iPod accessories for her” and one thing led to another… The thought was nice but the execution was all wrong. $26
P-MATE
What weirder way to let her know you care than to give her the ability to pee standing up. Yes yes, it’s hilarious that this product exists, but it’s for camping or women with hip problems. So as funny as it may be when you place the order one drunken night of online shopping, it probably won’t be as much fun explaining this one on a sober Christmas morning. $5
Stripper Pole
Be honest, this is really one of those gifts that’s for you and not her. If she loves to dance and expressed that she wants to find new ways to work out she probably meant that she wants you guys to take a salsa class together. It almost definitely did not mean that she wants to be your own personal exotic dancer. However, if you’re really set on buying her a pole, after extensive research the X-Pole is the winner because it’s great for spins, easy to put together and will really let her get those legs in the air. $300
Ultimate Lift pushup bra
Not that a teddie isn’t a fun gift for you both, but she may take offense to all the extra padding. Also, do you actually know her size? No? Don’t try guess—too big or too small and you’re screwed no matter what (and not in the good way). $98
Dust Mop Slippers
When she said she wanted some comfy slippers this probably isn’t what she had in mind. It’s not a very sincere gesture that you want her to be comfortable and relax when you get slippers that double as a cleaning supply. And don’t try to sell on her on what a time saver it is $5
2 Juicy Juicer
It’s never a good idea to buy kitchen products because it sort of implies where she should be… and even though there’s nothing wrong with a nice convenient pair of juicers that lets you squeeze with both hands, she may not enjoy the experience as much as you do. Maybe women just don’t appreciate fresh squeezed. $33
The Kissing Disease
Of all the things on your list of possible gifts this year, hopefully communicable diseases aren’t part of it. The kissing disease may be adorable with her big doe eyes, but how do you explain where you got it? Although of all the things to get her, Mono should be higher up on your list than say the clap. $8
Playmate of the Month Necklaces
Okay so we see where you went wrong here… She likes jewelry and she likes things that are personal like her birthstone… and you of course love Playmates so a Playmate of the Month Necklace with her birthday month is the perfect gift right? Okay, let’s start over. Do you want her to find your magazines and take them away? No? Okay, then don’t buy this for her. $20
Naming a Star
Naming a Star after a girl is a sweet gesture, but when she realizes how much cash you blew on a cheesy certificate she might not be as impressed. And there’s definitely room for this to backfire… you might forgot how many chicks you’ve done this for. From experience we can tell you that nothing is worse than doing this twice for the same girl because you forgot. $54
Nono Razor
Whether or not she enjoys personal grooming, she probably doesn’t want to hear from you that she should shave her “nono”. We understand that this was a thoughtful gift because of its Thermacon technology that gently transmits heat to the hair and can be used frequently to eliminate rashes and ingrown hairs. It’s just… well, it’s just one of those things you don’t buy your girlfriend man. $250
Banana Bunker
We’re not sure what there is to be embarrassed about here. If she loves bananas but is sick of them being bruised then she’s gonna need some kind of protection. It’s a completely natural thing and there’s really no shame in that. But if you needed a reason not to buy a Banana Bunker then let’s just say that it’s because it’s kind of a cheap gift. $5
Promise Rings
Yes it’s pretty and sweet and she’ll totally love it, but if you’re not giving her an engagement ring by valentine’s day or at least by next Christmas you will have one bitter, disappointed woman on your hands. They’ll tell you that Promise Rings are just a promise to love her forever, but the truth is you’re basically saying “I promised to get engaged soon, I’m just saving up for the the $5000 version, so for now, enjoy this.” If you wanna do the jewelry thing, just stick to a necklace or some earrings. $150
Diamond Ice Cube Tray
She wanted diamonds so you got her some ice. Ha freaking ha you classy bastard you. She’ll absolutely love this if you plant the real diamonds inside a frozen gem—otherwise this gift is sure to keep her wondering when the thing you actually got her will make an appearance. This would be like expecting a guitar for Christmas and getting one made of chocolate. Not so funny when you think of it that way right? $50
Ruby Ann’s Down Home Trailer Park Cookbook
They say never buy a woman a cookbook… and it’s not too hard to see why. Since it’s their sole purpose in life to cook for us and please us in every way, then maybe it is a bit rude to criticize their ability to fulfill their destiny. So I guess that means we’ll be sticking to quiches and crab bisque rather than Ruby Ann’s Dr. Pepper Salad or deep-fried Slut Puppies. $14
Sex Swing
Yes, she did say she wants to be more adventurous in the bedroom, but she meant like some handcuffs or something. And she didn’t mean for Christmas. We know, it IS exciting, but pace yourself man or it will never happen. $269
Smart Ass Thongs
She may not know what to be more upset about… the fact that you bought her a thong or the fact that you were a complete smart ass about it. On the plus side if you were planning to break up with her in a really insulting way here’s your chance to let her know that not only is she just a piece of ass to you, but you also think she’s a control freak and a gold digger. $20
Teddy Bear Lamp
If she likes stuffed animals it’s probably because she thinks they have cute faces and are huggable. Yeah, we don’t get it either. The Teddy Bear Lamp seems like a great gift for a girl who loves plushies at first, but it doesn’t actually fit either requirements. It doesn’t have a head let alone a cute face. Also it’s probably not a good idea to hug a lamp what with all the brightness and possible burning. This is definitely a pass. $78
Tickle His Pickle
How-To sex books are probably not very kosher as far as Chanukah gifts go. Seriously save this for a less spiritual holiday… even Valentine’s Day is a little risky… besides it’ll probably backfire when she lets you know who REALLY needs tips. Ouch. You were just trying to be helpful. $15
Toe Socks
Unless she’s 16 or you got her a LOT of other cool gifts, skip it. Just because she casual mentioned that she thinks they’re cute, that doesn’t mean she wants them every single year from now until you eventually break up.
Weight Watcher Digital Scale
Yep, she said she needs a scale… and that she is starting weight watchers. Those are things you’ve never ever heard her say, and certainly if you did, you didn’t take seriously because she’s perfect and therefore must have been joking. She might have mentioned this around you, but experience says that it was a set up. Basically if you buy her this it was be the equivalent of saying “Yes” every time she ever asked “Does this make me look fat?” $30
Wii Fit
Okay, unless she really really really wants this, don’t even consider it. A little known fact about Wii Fit… when you first turn the game on it asks you your height, measures your weight and body mass index. If you’re the slightest bit overweight it lets you know in a cute high pitched voice and your little character suddenly becomes a little too chunky for its workout clothes. Make sure she knows about this “feature” already, but don’t be the one to tell her about it. $150
Wine Rack
For some unexplainable reason women just don’t see the importance of drinking novelty items. The Wine Rack is a great diverse tool that lets her drink wine conveniently AND makes her look great. Even still for whatever reason the Wine Rack doesn’t seem to go over very well with the ladies and we’re stuck fondling our own booze filled breasts in puzzlement. $30
Ceiling Mirror
A bedroom ceiling mirror may seem like an awesome idea at first, but do you really want her to get a good view of your back moles? Plus don’t encourage her; she takes enough time getting ready for dates as it is. The bonus? She might actually love this if she’s into decorating, but if you’re banking on it going up over the bed, you might be disappointed when you come over and see it above the dresser.
Porcelain Crushed Cans
The delicate motif goes great with her hand-painted teacup collection, while it compliments your growing pile of old beer cans… but somehow we can’t help but feel that this isn’t exactly what she had in mind when she said you guys need to compromise on your decorating choices.CALL ON +2347033532232
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